Thursday, January 23, 2003 - 11:20 a.m.

Finally went to see 8 Mile last night,
the story was really nice and tight,
Eminem looked cool in his first film role,
Pity the people he knew lived on the dole,
Brittany Murphy was a real hottie,
Whilst Cheddar Bob was just plain pottie,
Best moments were when they rapped their skits,
although nearly matched by seeing Brittany's tits,
A really good 'rags to riches' tale,
how could Eminem ever fail,
The only reason you could hate this movie,
Is if you just ain't fu-ckin' groovy.

And no, I ain't giving up my day job.

Wednesday, January 22, 2003 - 07:00 p.m.

I think I've gone and found the coolest game on the internet. You get to run your own nation however you want, how cool is that? It's like a mini Civilisation, and I don't care if you start calling me sad so neh!

Wednesday, January 22, 2003 - 04:21 p.m.

Guess who went and ate an exploding tomato at work today? Exactly, all over a nice grey t-shirt as well, and did I bring a shirt to wear at work also today? No. Slap me someone.

So who wants to slap Kim Howell's then, and I don't mean just for having a girlie name? So we'll form a queue then. Not only does he come out and slag off hip hop and rap after the New Year shootings in B'Ham, blaming them for all of cultures ills (he sounded like a Tory MP when you had all the hooha over 'video nasties' in the 80's), but then he comes out and slags off the only intelligent thing Robbie Williams has said in his entire life (he supports the downloading of music). When will these people realise that downloading music is no different to taping music which has been done for years, that some people actually go and buy more albums after having the chance to hear bands first, that maybe less albums are being bought due to not only crap music generally being marketed but also the fact there is an economic downturn in the world, and that finally companies make more money from selling recordable discs/hardware than they do on albums. Now you don't hear too much about all that now do you?

The internet is playing up at work and only some sites are working which is really pissing me off as it means that I have to do work, whatever that is?

I have managed to buy my ticket for the semi-final on the 9th, I'm all excited already. I'll be behind the goal so look out for me celebrating when Doddsie slams home the winner in the 90th minute and the Arabs go wild. It's on Channel 5 so none of you have excuses for not watching it either, well unless you can't get Channel 5 that is, which is probably most of you even if you do live in the UK :o)

You can tell that one of my workmates isn't in today as the kettle was still cold this morning when I went in, so little old me just flicked it on and stood waiting for it to boil, then after a minute or so it hadn't even started to make any noise which was kinda strange. So guess who had stood there like and eejit without switching on the socket first?

So Liverpool had to cheat to go through in the League Cup eh? Good to see the Premiership showering itself in glory by first having a Premiership ref not send Liverpool's keeper off for handling the ball outside of the box, and then one of the Liverpool players spitting at the oppositions manager, you wouldn't get that from the blue half of Merseyside. All this after Newcastle acting badly after being defeated in the FA Cup as well, can these teams not accept the fact that sometimes the smaller teams can do well against those perceived to be superior? Bad losers the lot of them.

Anyone know where we can find cheap but nice flats within Zone 2 of London? Thought not, but seriously if anyone knows of anywhere quite decent feel free to leave a message in the normal place.

Tuesday, January 21, 2003 - 04:41 p.m.

We're allowed allowed guilty pleasures when it comes to music right? Music that we only slip on when we think no-one is paying attention and we can just jump about and wiggle our butts? Well just now mine is Jack off Jill, completely silly 'feminist angst rock/pop' but I love it anyway. "Where angels fuck, and devils kiss".

Also on the hit list just now is the new David Holmes CD, now I've only listened to the first seven tracks but so far it's fuckin' amazing (see I'd make a great reviewer for NME, "so how do you rate the new album then?" Fuck yeah!). THE comedown album for 2003 I think.

Do 'For Love Not Lisa' only have one good song or did I just download a poor selection of songs? I can't even remember what the song is called, doh!

Didn't make it to the shops last night as it was pissing it down so went this afternoon instead during my lunch break, so what did the weather suddenly decide to do? Exactly.

I hope you're all supporting any firemen you see today as they battle in this pish weather for a decent wage (and by that I don't mean trying to sleep with them, I know what some of you are like). Can't believe I heard a Tory on the radio this morning say "they were a disgrace to our country". Do we live in a democracy or am I confused? He was talking about the war at the same time though and how "we" need the soldiers training to kill innocent people instead of fighting fires. Not in my world "we" don't.

So "President" Blair has come out and said it is inevitable that Britain will come under terrorist attack eh? Well maybe he should stop bombing the fuck out of countries and partaking in murderous foreign policies then.

I watched the movie 'Suture' last night, it was fantastically shot in black and white. Although some of the acting and script was a little ropey it made some ineresting points about identity and how we obtain our it. Certainly not a film for everyone but I overall I enjoyed it.

Monday, January 20, 2003 - 02:33 p.m.

It seems like so long since I wrote a proper entry in here, oh well. This past few days have not exactly been filled with excitement anyway so you've not been missing anything really.

Saturday night was the exception though as I went out with these four lovely people and had a great time, probably drinking more than I should have, dancing to bad music, falling over and wacking my head off the DJ booth, meeting a fellow 'Arab', and eating dodgy vodka chocolates on the night bus home. I was certainly more sociable than I have been of late which is a good thing, although you would maybe have to ask them if they agree?

Sunday was spent recovering really although I never really had a hangover, a bit of a headache but that went after taking some asprin. I managed to watch 'The first men in the moon'- great little 60's sci-fi, and Traffik - better than what I was expecting as Murphy kept telling me how long it felt, some interesting points on the pointlessness of the drug wars that a lot of people would probably not have thought about until it was introduced to them in a mainstream movie. Certianly better than Blow which came out around the same time.

Also got round to finally seeing Easy Rider on Friday night and I can't believe it has taken me so long to finally see it, a great movie that shall be watched on a regular basis from now on. It would be great to project that movie onto a wall whilst at a party, it's got that effect which means you could just sit and look at without having to hear the words, a bit like Vanishing Point.

Everton finally got back to winning ways so overall it was a good weekend, I'm sure it will be ruined next week though as United return from the winter break with a cup-tie against the Hibees and I'm not that confident about it at all. Hopefully our new signings will make a difference though, keep your fingers crossed kiddies.

I wanna have a rant and rave about the way asylum seekers are being treated just now by the press and general public but I can't seem to find the words just now and I need to sit and find some decent facts to back up my argument, if I get round to doing the research I will get something written. Just now I'll point you in the direction of 1984 by George Orwell as that is the way we shall be living soon.

I can't believe I forgot my mate's b'day which was today, how much of a fuckin' crap mate am I? Looks like I'll have to pop along to OS after work and pick something up.

Sunday, January 19, 2003 - 11:13 p.m.

Get better soon Shonie :o)

Friday, January 17, 2003 - 02:20 p.m.

Is paying £200 to play at Tannadice too much do you think? It is for charity, but at the same time it is a hell of a lot of money. Just think though, a top with my name on it and my family watching from the stands :o)

Wednesday, January 15, 2003 - 10:12 p.m.

Considering last time it cost me over £100 to make my travels, this time it's only costing me £65 to go to Inverness and back, and to travel to Glasgow and back to London from E'burgh. I do have to get up at insane times (especially the trip back from Inverness) but I save money so no complaints.

Wednesday, January 15, 2003 - 12:49 p.m.

Fuck yeah!

Monday, January 13, 2003 - 07:07 p.m.

I've watched so many movies over the last couple of weeks, bought new albums, listened to the news, listened to Tony Blair's beating of the war drum, read message boards where people still think this country is over-run with illegal asylum seekers and bleeding us dry (one person actually thinks that the world is now safe and that there are no countries out there to be scared of living in, can we ship this person to Iran, Saudi, Mosambique, Algeria, USA?), yet I have no words to write about any of it. I feel like everything I have to say has been said before, that my words are meaningless, that there is little point in trying to shout above the noise and clatter that is already going on. If Saturday proved anything it was that my place on this planet should be in the shadows and alone.

Monday, January 13, 2003 - 01:14 p.m.

Today has involved getting up early to go to work so as to make up for the shortage of hours I have done lately, getting stuck in a tube tunnel as the train decided to break down (which is ironic as I don't normally use the tube to go to work anymore), getting into work only marginally before I normally do so wasting the opportunity to build up some hours (I work flexi-time), finding out there is no heating at work, then after faffing about on the web for a bit starting some work and then the electricity going out. 2 hours later we are sent home. Mondays eh?

Monday, January 13, 2003 - 09:17 a.m.

2003 is going to be the death of me, anyone wanna bet on it? You can't actually lose can you so I'll put the £5 on that Emily owes me for losing a bet that I would have a girlfriend by the end of last year (how could she have been so stupid?). This is like the bet I have on with my sisters fiance that I will never get married, I can't win but he can, why do I always make such sill bets?

Thursday, January 9, 2003 - 09:44 p.m.

From the front of today's Mirror:

Thursday, January 9, 2003 - 08:31 p.m.

Save live music.

Thursday, January 9, 2003 - 12:28 p.m.

Considering how pissed off I was intially, I seem to have calmed down very quickly and now don't have much hatred left in me, am I mellowing out in my old age? I'm even starting to be civil to these people again, can I have forgiven them so easily? This whole situation is just so fucking ridiculous that's its difficult to know who's said what and why, sigh, I just don't know what to do at all? If even the fire that normally burns inside me goes, what's left? That was the thing that kept me going, I felt like I still had something to fight for but now, now there seems like nothing. I don't even get that worked up by the papers anymore as I just don't believe anything they say, I question every article and it just ends up getting confusing and muddled as I never seem to know the truth about anything. I look through indie and leftie websites trying to find out the facts about news items but they are just as muddled, with conflicting messages and people arguing. Is there even such thing as truth anymore?

Why is it that whenever you want to book a break away the minumum option of people is 2? Do they not think that there are sad, miserable, lonely old cunts like me out there that might just want to get away from this fucking place for a couple of days without the hassle of having to stay with someone else? Not that I can afford to go away but I'm probably gonna do it anyway, Mike and my Dad don't need B'day pressies anyway do they?

My sleep patterns had slowly got back to something regarding normal over the last few days and then last night, just as I was about to drift off each time, I would get images of a car crash involving my family and me having to rush up north as my parents were in a bad way. It was not nice. Then when I did finally fall asleep I was woken up as I thought I could hear someone in my room near my bed, unsurprisingly there was no-one there. Thank goodness caffeine exists.

I've actually found a nice cottage in the North of Wales I could hire for about £130 for the weekend so that's possibly an option, it all just depends on whether I can justify the expense really.

Wednesday, January 8, 2003 - 08:14 p.m.

If I'm first does that make me one of the cool kids?

Wednesday, January 8, 2003 - 02:55 p.m.

If I had written this entry last night or this morning this entry would have been full of so much anger and hatred you would have run away screaming, but for some reason I have calmed myself down instead of keeping the fire burning and wanting to fight against everyone I see and speak to. Firstly I would like to apologise to the two girls(thanks for the vid again) for being a bit 'off' last night, but trust me there were reasons and I was struggling not to completely break down. I hope you enjoyed yourselves anyway, and when we next meet I should be able to put in a better performance (The play was very good by the way, and me and Mike were able to enjoy a very good view of 'things' from the balcony we were in. I felt like royalty up there, and when Gillian looked up at me I thought I was in heaven).

The reason I'm pissed off? Well I can't really go into it here as it is a little personal and I struggled to tell the one person I do really trust in the world so I don't think I could really blab it out here (no offence to anyone reading by the way). Lets just say I've gone from liking working in my job and at the Council, to completely hating everyone who works in my section and I want to bludgeon them to death with their PC's. My boss is a complete tosser who whenever I see I want to punch and generally cause immense pain to (I'm not a violent person I promise you, and I certainly wouldn't ever act out any of the fantasies of torture I have thought out for fellow colleagues over the last 24 hours). It really is that bad, I'm just glad I have friends who disagree with them or I possibly could have done something really drastic by now.

Every year I think things are gonna change and it's all gonna be better then the years that have gone before, when will I stop deluding myself? This 'thing' hurts more than anything that I have mentioned in any of my diaries and has completely shot down any self-esteem which I may have started to build up. I now have to try and rebuild myself and my confidence which is gonna take time and effort so apologies to people now if I cancel nights out or say I don't want to meet up, it's just that I need time to myself and my thoughts.

I said this diary wouldn't be full of self pity anymore didn't I, and I was actually holding back from posting this but I needed to get it off my chest I suppose so apologies to you all. I am hurt and low just now so don't be surprised if entries become a little erratic again.

And don't you worry about me, as I said, I'll be fine.

Monday, January 6, 2003 - 05:01 p.m.

The easy way out of reading the Philip Pullman trilogy (or an alternative way of interpreting them to those who have already read them), listen to them on the radio. The first book was last Saturday but it is still available to listen to, and the next two books are covered over the next two Saturdays. Details are at the link provided.

Sunday, January 5, 2003 - 06:47 p.m.

Thanks to Shonie and Ellie for taping Scottish TV for me this festive period, mucho appreciated.

Sunday, January 5, 2003 - 05:13 p.m.

My new TV set-up is amazing, The Matrix on 32" surround sound is just so much better than watching on a bog-standard 14" TV that I had before. I don't know how I will go back to watching normal TV ever again :o)

Sunday, January 5, 2003 - 04:54 p.m.

It's a New Year so I've started up again over in the leftieblog, should anyone wish to help put up links and articles drop me an email and I'll set-up an account login for you.

Sunday, January 5, 2003 - 04:47 p.m.

With the winter break arriving in Scotland I though all the pain from football would be gone as United aren't due to play for a few weeks, but alas Everton go and get dumped out of the cup by Shrewsbury. Someone importanmt doesn't like me you know.

Friday, January 3, 2003 - 11:52 a.m.

I think the lergy has finally caught up with me and there I was thinking I had outrun it, bugger. It gives me an excuse to stay in bed all weekend and watch movies on my new TV though, yipee! I just hope it arrives this morning liken it is meant to and Mike doesn't fall asleep and miss them knocking on the door.

Wow, no disagreements with my Top 10 albums of 2002, I didn't know you all had such good taste in music. Come on, tell me what you really think I can hack it.

Dundee United scraped a draw yesterday with a goal in the 92nd minute, the fact that I had to follow the match online at work was murder and I had to supress my obvious joy or I would have been getting some weird looks and an even weirder reputation. Billy Dodds is back though!!!

Anyone else watch Little Voice last night, it was great wasn't it? It's one of those films I kept meaning to watch but never getting round to but finally last night I settled down and giggled my way through the ninety minutes of film. Brenda Blethyn was fantastic, I pity anyone who has a similar mother to that. I even liked some of the songs and they're certainly not the sort of thing I would normally listen to as you probably know. Michael Caine wasn't that annoying either, that's how good the movie was. A good example of what the British film industry can actually achieve.

Thursday, January 2, 2003 - 03:07 p.m.

My Xmas pressie to myself which should get delivered tomorrow, yipee! 32" Widescreen TV with Surround Sound, I nearly wet myself with just the surround sound when watching LOTR.

Thursday, January 2, 2003 - 10:51 a.m.

So here it is, the Top 10 albums of 2002 which you need to go and buy to make your miserable lives worth living :o) I sit and wait for the insults and arguments to begin, but hey I'm good at that sort of thing. The list was actually harder to make than I thought as I had to exclude Sparta, Sleater Kinney, Badly Drawn Boy(twice), The Coral, JJ72 and Eminem.

10. Weezer - Maladroit
The Green album was good, but this was a giant step up from it. Dope Nose in particular was a fantastic tune which has been blasted out from my stereo many a time over the last few months. An album for the indie kids who know what it's like to wallow in self doubt and go through crappy relationships.

9. McClusky - McClusky do Dallas
Well I had to put something a little obscure in didn't I? An album of noise and shouting, fantastic.

8. Bjork - Vespertine
This woman just continues to make fantastic albums full of sounds that take you away from the humdrum of daily life and through the icy landscapes of her home.

7. Bright Eyes - Lifted Or the Story Is in the Soil Keep Your Ear to the Ground
This guy could quickly take the place of Elliot Smith in the genius singer/songwriter stakes, an album full of lament and heartbreak.

6. Idlewild - The Remote Part
It took me a while to get into this album as it was a large step away from the loud songs from Captain and Hope is Important which I know and love, but slowly this album sunk in and became one of the most played records in my collection.

5. Flaming Lips - Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots
Have this band ever released a bad album? I prefer this to the highly aclaimed The Soft Bulletin from a couple of years ago as it is just full of melodic songs which are relaxing and a joy to listen to.

4. Foo Fighters - One by One
They finally came good and produced a fantastic rock album, they had shown glimpses in the past but this was the one where they got it right. The happiest man in rock shows the pretenders how it should be done.

3. QOTSA - Songs for the deaf
Starts off with one of the songs of the year and stays on that level most of the way through the album, pure rock for the 21st Century.

2. Sigur Ros - ()
How do you describe this band and album? None of the tracks have titles, they sing in a made up language, and they produce tunes which are nigh on impossible to describe. Lets just say that whilst travelling on a train from Aberdeen to E'burgh I fell in love with each and every track as I travelled through misty coastlines and drifted through the surrounding landscape.

1. Trail of Dead - Source Tags and Codes
Near perfection from the Texans. Boudelaire, How Near How Far, Blood Rites, Another Morning Stoner, I could list the whole album as each and every track is amazing in some way or another. Shove it in your stereo and turn it up to 25, you won't be dissapointed. Add these songs to the best live act I have ever seen and you have a band which are light years ahead from any other rock band currently out there.

Others that could have sneaked in but haven't been listened to enough include The Datsuns, Interpol and The Libertines. I also excluded The Hives and BRMC as I bought them in 2001 even if officialy they were relesed in 2002.

Tuesday, December 31, 2002 - 01:23 p.m.

I fell I should add at least one entry before the end of 2002, not that I actually have anything to say as I am just sad and miserable and I can't be arsed writing about that crap anymore. I don't want to bore you with details about Xmas either as it will be the same as a hundred others you have already read about, and apart from that all I've done is shopping and listen to United being the worst team in the world ever (and we've just gone and swapped one Judas for another, remind to be really fucking happy someone).

I'll be glad to see the back of 2002 as I can't remember many good moments (certainly no great ones anyway) but many shitee ones, but at the same time I can see 2003 being exactly the same so what exactly am I meant to celebrate at midnight? I'm gonna be surrounded by strangers too at a party I'm not really in the mood for just now, maybe I'll feel different when I get there but right now I just wanna curl up in bed with a bottle of vodka and forget everything else.

See, it ended up a whinging entry and that's not what I wanted. I'm needing to change what I do with the internet and how I contribute so expect changes but I don't know what I'm gonna do yet so don't hold your breath. I'm certainly using it less and less as my mind is turning to mush and I just sit and watch trashy tv like the moron masses.

I need a reason in my life before it's all too late.

Tuesday, December 17, 2002 - 09:56 p.m.

It's the end of an era on Thursday so tune into Radio One and listen to the last ever Evening Session with Steve Lamacq and relive your teenage years. Tonight he's been playing 90's music and is closing with Drowners by Suede, fuckin' eh!

Tuesday, December 17, 2002 - 03:55 p.m.

If anyone loved me they would buy me tickets to go see Amen, Asian Dub Foundation, Copper Temple Clause, Dashboard Confessional, David Holmes, Dalgados, Idlewild, Raveonettes, Low, Teenage Fanclub, Zwan and Tori Amos next year. But since no-one does, do any of you want to join me at said gigs?

I feel like shit, complete and utter shit. I have bags under my eyes, a body full of alcohol based blood, and a mind that is working at about 2% of capacity. I didn't even drink that much yesterday yet I have felt like crap all morning. If I don't start getting some sleep soon I'm gonna turn into Tyler Durden.

The meal was nice but the atmosphere was a little lacking and conversation never really rolled my way, but then when we hit the pub I got talking to people and had a bit of a laugh and ended up leaving around 9:30pm (started lunch at 1pm), cheekily just before it was my round, whoops. Apparently one guy made friends with some coppers on his way home, but not entirely sure of the whole story so won't spread viscious rumours yet. He didn't get into work till after 11 this morning though.

I found a new woman for Mike. She was a mature lady and was wearing an X-Files baseball cap, surely everything he wants in a woman? Pity she was about 70 and pushing a tartan trolley.

When I went to the bank last night before the meal the guy in front of me forgot to take his money he was that much in a rush, there must have been about £80 at least there. I did the honest thing though and waited for him to return and if he hadn't I would have gone into the bank and handed it in. I'm such a good guy.

Meeting Ginger Jenny for lunch tomorrow which should be fun, it's also good in that it stops me going to see TTT twice in one day which could quite possibly have made me a very sad and nerdy man.

Shonie, your parcel arrived yesterday and Colin's came on Saturday, thanks.

The meal on Sunday with the housemates was ok (nice Chinese food), but the girls buggered off after we had gotten back and exchanged pressies. Nice to see what there priorities are. Maz liked her present though, and Emily opened one of hers and didn't complain so good so far.

Saturday was less of an event really as apart from a little bit of shopping, listening to United get beat again (but Everton won, so yipee), and bowling, I did nothing. Bowling was as fun as ever but I only managed to get 147, boo hiss. That is definately the last time I try and organise things for people though, I've said it before but this time I mean it.

Monday, December 16, 2002 - 09:41 a.m.

Sometimes life is put in perspective, I was gonna write a whinging post about my housemates after last night but that has all been forgotten now. I was all set for the day, blaring out Andrew WK on my headphones ready for my Xmas meal and drinks at lunch time, then the world shatters around me. News has come through that one of my workmates has died over the weekend. He'd only just turned 40 and seemed perfectly healthy, and then..........

I'm not gonna pretend to have known him as I'd only spoken to him on a few occassions, but everytime we did it would be with a smile and joke. People here would have known him for years though so the atmosphere is heavy and sullen and eggshells are gonna have to be walked on, especially with my ability to always say the wrong thing at the wrong times. I'm not entirely sure what is happening about the Xmas lunch this afternoon, but myself and a couple of others have decided to still go but as for others I'm not sure.

Phonics
Mich
Pixgrrl
Achren
Citigrrrl
Gingi
Kymee
Discodave
Pop-Pop
Glitterscars
Torch
Pablo
Larissa
Volcanic
Neil Gaiman